Harvard Business Review

Difficult conversations are inevitable. But if you manage them properly, you can keep your relationships intact.

First, don’t think of the conversation as difficult – you’ll only feel nervous and upset. Instead, frame it in a positive, less binary way. You’re not giving negative feedback; you’re having a constructive conversation about development. It can help to jot down key points beforehand, but don’t write a script.

Try to see the other person’s point of view. Ask yourself: What is the problem? And what does the other person think is the problem? If you aren’t sure, acknowledge that you don’t know and ask. Then deliver the tough news in a courageous, honest, and fair way. Just don’t play victim.

The worst thing you can do is to ask for sympathy by saying things like “I feel so bad about saying this” or “This is really hard for me to do.”

Adapted from “How to Handle Difficult Conversations at Work” by Rebecca Knight.